True Colors

True Colors

So I'm working on a show. It's a cabaret style experience with seven of my original chakra characters. Between the characters will be little strip tease moments that give a raw boylesque feel to this silly, sacred endeavor. We're setting it to 80's music and I'm listening to a lot of it. One song that's recently been put into the lineup is standing out to me-it won't quit. It's helping me.


Cyndi Lauper's True Colors was written by Billy Steinker (bet the kids in grade school had fun with that name!) and Tom Kelley. To her credit Lauper completely re-arranged the song in her brilliant style. The lyrics are moving. Here is an excerpt:


"You with the sad eyes

Don't  be discouraged

Oh I realize

It's hard to take courage

In a world full of people

You can lose sight of it all

And the darkness inside you can make you feel so small


But I see your true colors shining through

I see your true colors And that's why I love you

So don't be afraid to let them show your true colors

True colors are beautiful like a rainbow."


I've found myself singing this song over and over. Maybe it's what happens to gay men born in the 80's- at some point their brains just play rainbow songs on repeat- or maybe there's something deep and impactful about this tune.


I think what moved me is the quality of unconditional love being expressed in the lyrics. Unconditional love is one of the most powerful qualities I have experienced.


When someone loves you unconditionally you know that they see- just see you when they look at you. They don't see problems. They don't see issues. They don't see "what they want to get." They see you.


Someone told me once that unconditional love is not loving someone "in spite of" the conditions but without conditions AT ALL.


Conditional love is simply love that changes based on the conditions. I've started to see how easy it is to work that way. What is startling about this song is how selfless it is to love someone so purely.


That kind of selfless, unconditional love allows you to see and experience someone for who they are. If you're willing to love yourself that way, you can start to take off the masks.


In doing research about this song for my show I discovered a verse had been written that didn't make it into the recording. Here is the verse.


"You've got a long list with so many choices,

A ventriloquist with so many voices,

And your friends in high places say where the pieces fit,

You've got too many faces in your make-up kit.

But I see your true colors shining through."


My jaw dropped when I read this in my Google search. As one with many voices and lots of faces in my makeup kit, it was confronting to find these words.


I've been working to unify the different aspects of my life and just be one man. If this is something you ever look to do in any way, consider falling in love with your true colors, loving them unconditionally and finding the rainbow within you.


Here's a link to the Cyndi Lauper singing True Colors a long time ago in Paris. 


Revolutionary Unicorn

Hello Groovy Friends!

 Alexander Hamilton as you will see him when you ask me for 10 Rainbow-Bucks and I draw it on some tracing paper.

Alexander Hamilton as you will see him when you ask me for 10 Rainbow-Bucks and I draw it on some tracing paper.

It's the 4th of July! Hooray USA! I love this country and am proud to be an American. I asked my business partner, Doug Hart, for any topics that might be of interest sharing via this blog. I'm def. feeling it's time to get the blogs rolling again, yawl. So Doug suggested something about the Revolution and since KidderCo Studio is focused on rainbows and matters of the gay heart, I liked Doug's suggestion of sharing this article from on Alexander Hamilton's possible homosexuality. Welcome to Rainbowland, America.

 Alexander Hamilton's Wistful Gaze

Alexander Hamilton's Wistful Gaze


This guy's been gettin' a lot of play lately. The smash hit musical, Hamilton, by Lin-Manuel Miranda has won the Pulitzer Prize and has apparently responsible for securing "Al's" place on the ten dollar bill. Here's a link on that story:

But back to Rainbows and gay stuff...

Looks like Hamilton had a special friend. His name was John Laurens and he was cute! I mean, look at those steely blue eyes. I'd send him a "Wassup" on Grindr, wouldn't you?

 John Laurens' Come Hither Eyes

John Laurens' Come Hither Eyes

Ok, so we've got it pretty darn good today. Out gays like me live with way less social scorn and stigma than we did even a few years ago. Back in Hamilton's day, as you'll read in the article below, it was totally taboo. Here's to you, Mr. Hamilton, for going for it. You didn't stay totally hidden in your wardrobe (an old fashioned closet) and your love letters survived to this day. Thanks for not burning them and thanks to all the historians who kept them and preserved them. It means a lot to think of a founding father on the rainbow spectrum right alongside me and so many of you reading this. 

Rainbows aren't just for gay people- they are for everyone. They are a special symbol of gay pride, however, and I have loved them since I was a kid. When I draw people on the street or at clubs I often ask, "would you like me to draw what you look like in Rainbowland?" Rainbowland is what I call my imagination. It's how I imagine a person would look if they were their most magical self. I think when Alexander Hamilton struts into Rainbowland he sprouts gold hooves and a nice long horn. He's definitely a unicorn, my friends.  Now read the actual article so you don't wind up thinking everything I said was actual history.

Here's to our founding fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers, sons and daughters who built and continue to build this a country where freedom reigns, love wins, and love letters between two men are cherished historical documents.                               -Jonathan Kidder July 4, 2016

Check out this article by Graham Gremore from (Cool it was written on this day two years ago!)

ON:           JUL 4, 2014
TAGGED: ALEXANDER HAMILTONELIZABETH SCHUYLER,                                                   

Most people think of Founding Father Alexander Hamilton as the face on the $10 bill. Either that or the primary author of the Federalist Papers who was killed in a duel by Vice President Aaron Burr in 1804. But few people are aware that the celebrated Revolutionary War veteran may have been bisexual.

Though he married Elizabeth Schuyler in 1780 and fathered a total of eight children, some historians believe Hamilton had a romantic relationship with fellow solider and aristocrat John Laurens while both men were aide-de-camps to George Washington during the Revolutionary War.

The evidence is found in a series letters written by Hamilton to Laurens shortly after Laurens left Washington’s military family for South Carolina, where he worked to recruit African American troops to fight against the British.

In a letter dated April 1779, Hamilton begins:

Cold in my professions, warm in my friendships, I wish, my Dear Laurens, it might be in my power, by action rather than words to convince you that I love you. I shall only tell you that ’til you bade us Adieu, I hardly knew the value you had taught my heart to set upon you. Indeed, my friend, it was not well done. You know the opinion I entertain of mankind, and how much it is my desire to preserve myself free from particular attachments, and to keep my happiness independent of the caprice of others. You should not have taken advantage of my sensibility to steal into my affections without my consent.

All that flowery language certainly does sound kinda — well — gay.

The letter continues:

But as you have done it, and as we are generally indulgent to those we love, I shall not scruple to pardon the fraud you have committed, on condition that for my sake, if not for your own, you will always continue to merit the partiality, which you have artfully instilled into me.

At the time, romantic relationships between members of the same sex were considered taboo, and sodomy was a punishable offense in all 13 colonies. Which raises the question of what sort of “fraud” Hamilton might be referring to.

In another letter, dated September 1779, Hamilton describes himself as a “jealous lover” after Laurens failed to respond to any of his missives:

Like a jealous lover, when I thought you slighted my caresses, my affection was alarmed and my vanity piqued. I had almost resolved to lavish no more of them upon you and to reject you as an inconstant and an ungrateful ____.

At that point, the handwriting becomes illegible, leaving it up to the reader’s imagination what the Founding Father may have written.

Later in the letter, Hamilton talks about his new fiance, Elizabeth Schuyler, in language that makes her sound more like a beard than a wife:

Next fall completes my doom. I give up my liberty to Miss Schuyler. She is a good hearted girl who I am sure will never play the termagant; though not a genius she has good sense enough to be agreeable, and though not a beauty, she has fine black eyes – is rather handsome and has every other requisite of the exterior to make a lover happy. And believe me, I am lover in earnest, though I do not speak of the perfections of my Mistress in the enthusiasm of Chivalry.


Elizabeth Schuyler Hamilton

One year later, in a letter dated September 1780, Hamilton again wrote to Laurens about his wife:

In spite of Schuyler’s black eyes, I have still a part for the public and another for you; so your impatience to have me married is misplaced; a strange cure by the way, as if after matrimony I was to be less devoted that I am now. Let me tell you, that I intend to restore the empire of Hymen and that Cupid is to be his prime Minister.

He signed the letter:

Adieu, be happy, and let friendship between us be more than a name.

It’s been reported that after his death, Hamilton’s family crossed out sections of the letters. Their reasons for doing so are unknown, though some speculate it was because the notes contained suggestive language that might have confirmed a romantic relationship between the two men.

Interestingly, in his 2003 essay Slavery and Liberty in the American Revolution, historian Gregory D. Massey notes that of all the surviving letters written by Hamilton, the only other ones that show the same level of sentiment are those penned to his wife.

Of course, we’ll probably never know for sure. But one thing is for certain: Whatever feelings Hamilton had towards Laurens were unique, as evidenced in a letter he sent to General Greene in 1782 after Laurens was killed in the Battle of the Combahee River:

I feel the deepest affiction at the news we have just received of the loss of our dear and inestimable friend Laurens. His career of virtue is at an end…. I feel the loss of a friend I truly and most tenderly loved, and one of a very small number.

How to be a Phoenix

I am completely obsessed with my puppet Miss Fuego. She's fierce, she's fiery, she's fabulous. I feel like we have a relationship. She's funny when I need to laugh, firm when I need to focus, and serious when I need to cry. She makes the world a better place and her presence in my life has me feeling a little more fiery and fabulous than before.

I entered a competition for America's most talented person recently (a little show on NBC called America's Got Talent) and was X'd off within seconds of starting my act. But I didn't cry, fumble or freak out. I danced off the stage! Why? Cuz I had a 7' tall Firebird with me. That's why! Miss Fuego has me do things I never thought I could do. And she has a triumphant spirit I have only started to discover in myself once she and I started, well, hanging out. 

Its kinda funny. Technically I'm the puppeteer and she's the puppet. But what I experience is her in my head telling me what to do- basically puppeteering me on how to bring her to life.  

Its pretty much like channeling. Psychic puppetry. Wild I know. And after I take her costume off, shower (thoroughly) and get back in my civilian regs I find myself living a little differently as Jonathan. I have a little more pride, a little more joy, and am that much more willing to spread my wings. So here's to Miss Fuego and what it takes to be a Phoenix. Here are six things I have learned from this feisty firebird that I think every Phoenix must know. Here's to all you fiery fierce and fabulous folks out there- this is from one Phoenix to another.

1.  Always do your laundry.

Since you're a fierbird, you probably love to dance and lift your arms. Consider your neighbor's noses and find the opportunity to start a nice load.

2.  Don't be sassy just 'cuz.

People love your sass and think it's a trademark. But you're funniest when it's real. Don't fake it. Be your sweet self until someone actually pisses you off. Then say all that funny sh#t you're known for. 

3.  Walk Like a Goddess

You are a goddess.  Your shoes should fit and be amazing and everyone should look at everything. The last thing they see is your feet so that's what they comment on. If they're not, it's time to get a new pair of shoes and/or reinvent yourself completely.

4.  Sing!

You free people up when you sing. Your freedom lies in their liberation. A true Phoenix knows her soul is only on fire when she is setting hearts ablaze around her. 

5.  Eat well. Eat often.

That one is self explanatory. But I said "well" and that also means smart, healthy and balanced. Each thing you eat is a sacrifice your body burns at the altar of your cells. Feast well on living, beautiful plant foods and meats (if you chose them) that are healthy and of high vibration. 

6.  Fail.

Fuck up and make it count. Enjoy the pain of regret until it becomes delight. That delight will inspire you to do something truly triumphant that will actually make you feel like you made up for the previous failure(s) but you'll find the failures beautiful just like you- perfect in all ways, always. 

7. Be Grateful.

Shine gratitude into your regret until it becomes delight.

I love you- 

Jonathan Kidder

 Miss Fuego Firebird shooting with Andrew Haagen at Coachella

Miss Fuego Firebird shooting with Andrew Haagen at Coachella

Dragon Meditation

Last night I was carving the head of my newest creation, Sir Lucious the Dragon.


As I bring this character to life, I'm contemplating what he stands for. He stands for our connection to the Divine, to all life, and to each other. He is themed after the yogic concept of the crown chakra.


The crown chakra, represented by the color purple, stands for our connection to the Divine. That connection is special to me.


I believe that God is life itself- the energy pulsing through us all. Sometimes it feels like a parent I may pray to- but I think that has more to do with my baby understanding than the nature of things.


Ironically a book called The Color Purple spells it out beautifully:

Two characters, Shug and Celie, are walking and talking about this stuff-

“God is not a he or a she, but a it. But what do it look like? I ast. Don't look like nothing, she say. It ain't a picture show. It ain't something you can look at apart from anything else, including yourself.”

-Alice Walker, The Color Purple


When I was a kid my mom told me my name, Jonathan, means walks with God. It gave me the feeling I was enveloped in the love of a big, beautiful spirit. In that love, the world is just a play of consciousness and all people are beautiful, sacred, and magic. In that love, all is possible.


As I finish this final character in my initial series from Possibilitopia, I want you to consider why I'm doing this. I'm doing this for you. To remind you. To remind you, in a playful way, that you are magical. You are brilliant. You are an energy matrix that expands and contracts with your consciousness. You are your consciousness. And we are each other. It's time to feel that energy of connection and, like this magnificent dragon is about to do, embrace the sky with the wings of our awareness.

 Found this at the Ace Hotel. Coincidental Prince's passing brings showers of Purple Rain during this purple dragon time. 

Found this at the Ace Hotel. Coincidental Prince's passing brings showers of Purple Rain during this purple dragon time. 

 Sir Lucious, like us all, starts as an idea. 

Sir Lucious, like us all, starts as an idea. 

Unicorn Intuition


I'd like to tell you about another character from Possibilitopia. His name is Disco. He is a unicorn.

This character is based on the yogic concept of the brow chakra, often referred to as the “third eye.”

Represented by the color indigo this energy center is about wisdom, understanding, and intuition. The horn set in his brow acts as a great reminder to balance and activate that body center. The equine aspect of this character is telling as well. There is a bottomless depth in the gaze of a horse. Having worked with horses as a young man I believe their sensitivity is real and that the connection between horse and rider is mystical. I think nigtclubs are magical too and a powerful place to discover your own power of intuition.

Disco Unicorn is an intuitive creature. In a crowded nightclub you don't think he sees you staring, but he mysteriously turns his head to meet your gaze.  He moves across the dance floor right to you and stares you down. He knows what you're thinking. You move together, swaying to the same music and guided by the same pull. And when you're ready for some fresh air, he puts his hoof out to your hand and says, “follow me.”

Intuition is a calm trust in your innate ability to know. It's how you make many decisions. It's fundamental.

Disco Unicorn represents the fun of this process.

He becons you to move through the rhythm of the mind, let the music guide you, close your eyes and see. He would tell you not to second guess yourself. He'd ask you to feel the energy that calls you, surrender, and dance. That energy will save you from your limited sense of who you are. It will gently free you from the fear-mind’s death grip on your body.

My dear friends were trying to have a baby. After resorting to a number of major medical procedures with no success they were exhausted and sad. We ventured to an old gay bar in Studio City for disco night. We were checking the venu out to see if it was the right spot for my friends upcoming birthday celebration.

That night, we danced. My friend said it was like seven years of therapy- and she really got down. Her husband jested, calling it “the exorcism”- she just danced out all of the stress of the preceding months. That is the night their beautiful baby boy was conceived. They acknowledged the magic of that night when they nick named the baby inside her Disco. He's a bouncy, happy three month old now. Definitely a magic kid.

Our minds are powerful. And they can get in the way when fear and memory lock up our steps. Disco Unicorn is here to remind you to relax, take a deep breath, open your mind and get your hooves to the dance floor.

 Rocking out with my hooves out at Coachella. 

Rocking out with my hooves out at Coachella. 

 There's something about the moonlight that makes things extra unicorny. Hoof's up! 

There's something about the moonlight that makes things extra unicorny. Hoof's up! 

Mermen Listen

My new character, Merman Aqueerius, is based on the yogic concept of the throat chakra, an energy center that's all about communication.

Communication is hard. And while finding the courage to articulate oneself can be important work, I'm focusing on another thing. Listening.

 “God gave us two ears and one mouth”- my Mom used to say. I'm finding listening takes courage too. Are we willing to really listen? Are we willing to really hear?

Rumi said, “Since in order to speak, one must first listen, learn to speak by listening.” I like that and I've been thinking about it this week. It's shocking how quickly I tune out what I'm not expecting. Shocking how I can morph what they're saying. If you listen with no attachments and just hear what is being said, you may find conversations getting better, and better. It made a good impact on my conversations with my business partner, Doug, and also my friends who have been helping me with KidderCo Studio stuff. As an entrepreneur in a startup I really need to hear the whole of what's being said and not filter everything through my fatty ego.

So, to remind myself (and all you die-hard KidderCo fans out there) that listening is the first part of communication, I'm changing my character design. I'm adding fin-shaped ears to Aqueerius. They are flesh toned and fade into blue tips. I just painted them and am super pleased. They draw on a classic aquatic appeal and remind me that in the world of communication it's sink or swim without very open ears.

Check out his new look in Instagram @jonathankidder and

Thanks for listening- 

Jonafin Kidder 

 "All the better to hear you with." 

"All the better to hear you with." 

 Merman Aqueerius...coming to a bathtub near you!

Merman Aqueerius...coming to a bathtub near you!

Spirituality, Go-Go Dancing & Possibilitopia

Spirituality is the basis for everything I do, say, think or feel.

I am a mystic. I have heard voices ever since I was a child. And while I don’t read tarot, palms or tea-leaves, I do see dead people, balance my chakras and honestly think if I cut it out of a magazine and decoupage some foam core with it, it will probably come true.

I am, also, skeptical. Every day I wonder if all of the supernatural splendor I have experienced may have just been the conjuring of my wild and incredible imagination. But my life is no longer about trying to fit in or figure it out. That all changed when I became a go-go dancer.

Being a go-go dancer has helped me embrace my spirituality and love my crazy self.

It started as a way to honor the intuition I had been getting for about five years. Every time the very concrete notion passed through my brain I’d dismiss it. Then, on a New Year’s Eve conversation with myself, I realized I was still fighting this clear direction from, from, from… lets just call it Big Mama. Yes, I call God… Big Mama. Big Mama Love. That’s the whole term. Anyway, Big Mama told me to and finally I said yes. The experience has, as we “woo-woo’s” often say, “changed my life.” I became a happier, more confident person all around. On the edge of a new creative venture, that same Big Mama voice comes to me now…this time more as a kick than a push, to tell my “Spirit stories.” To be honest, I’m scared.

I think religion can be destructive and find myself laughing (to myself) at the crazzzy things people believe. Mythology. I dress up like a unicorn, but I don’t actually think they’re real. I see “other” people believing “other” things and I’m like, “why are they buying into that mythological, magical thinking?” I dated someone who had very different spiritual views than myself and when we finally got to the religion discussion realized he had just as much ground to poke holes in my beliefs as I thought I had to poke in his. So, while I hesitantly open up more and more about my woo-woo life, let me make one thing perfectly clear. I’m sharing my perspective, and want you to take it only as that. I’m not asking anyone to believe me. I’m not interested in being right about things. But if I don’t start preaching (yes, I said the p-word) this powerful kick might do me in. “The fates lead those who will. Those who won’t, they drag.”

It’s not my mission to create my own brand of spirituality or belief system. That’s why I couch my message in comedy and entertainment. Take it all with a grain of thought. My purpose in life is people laughing and thinking- to delight and inspire. That’s what my company, KidderCo Studio is about, and that’s what I’m here for. So, lets get to the inspiration part. Here are some beliefs I want to share with you that I learned on a few go-go boxes between 10 and 2am across Los Angeles.

People just want to be loved.

Love is at the heart of it.

The only real hater is the one inside.

Stand up and love yourself.

Smile and shake your ass.

Love your crazy.

Embrace your quirky.

Cherish your strange.

I’m writing this for you ‘cuz I, on a “heal the world hold hands and kumbaya” kind of way…love you.

I love people. I just do. I can feel and see from other people’s perspectives so quickly sometimes- a deep empathy. It’s hard not to get where someone is coming from or what they’re going through and almost impossible not to want to give, support and contribute. It's actually a problem if I don’t actively balance that with being alone and trying really hard not to care. I think I’m most effective in life when I strike a balance between caring and not caring. Like a parent who cares enough to discipline their child but doesn’t let their kids tears keep them from following through. We’ve got to follow through. Our dreams suffer when we don’t, and so do we.

But today I found that balance. I care enough to jot this all down for you, and for this moment am not bound by my concern about what you think. I think that I am such an incredible guy that you should have all of me. Not just the parts I think you should have. Not just the parts I’ve perfected.

I used to go through life in a “don’t take your jacket off” kind of way. Like when you’re at a wedding and don’t take your jacket off because you didn’t have time to iron the whole shirt- just the parts that would be seen. Life becomes hot, sticky, and suffocating. Especially when you feel you’re being called to a ministry that involves being vulnerable, authentic and sharing your life openly. (I have no selfish interest in any of this by the way and would much rather live in a cave and only come out for mac ‘n cheese.) I’m feeling deeply called to share my perspective.

In my perspective reality is magical. The experience of magic is the experience of being so full of love and beauty that things just light up. It is the lightness of being, he effervescence of the soul, the simple joy of being here… now.

If you’ve been to my Instagram, @jonathankidder, you may have encountered #possibilitopia. Possibilitopia is a variety show of mystical, mythological, misfit characters performed by moi (and surprise guests). It is my covert operation to delight and inspire you. Not to make you believe in anything…except yourself. I want you to be present to your own magic.

Possibilitopia is that state of mind where anything, suddenly, is possible. It’s the moment when you have more energy than you ought to and are unusually extra-effective. It’s like the feeling when you meet someone you really really like… and you find yourself moving a mountain or two. I was in 300 miles away from home, fighting a raging cold and massive headache, getting ready for opening night of a production. I heard my mom had hopped on a last minute flight to come see me in the show, and I suddenly felt fabulous. Possibiltopia is that mental spot you hit where things suddenly work.  It’s about being present, authentic, here, and now. And while I’m doing it for you, I’m also doing it for me.

My brand is about dropping your pretense being yourself. I’ll put on a mask so you don’t have to. This week I’ve been dressing up as a “worker bee” sort of character to inspire us to stay focused and disciplined. His name is Pollen the Pixie and taking on pixie power got my ass to the gym every day this week. I’m so proud. You can see his video at and also follow me @jonathankidder to see what’s coming next. Leave me a note and let me know you stopped by. If you are a fan, I’m super-curious who your favorite character is so far. Thanks for reading. See you in Possibilitopia.

The Magic of Winter

It's February in Los Angeles. Bright, sunny winter. But still, the chill brings a sense of turning in. There's a desire to hibernate, even when it's perfectly gorgeous out and there's work in the yard to do. My turning in this winter, as in all winters, brings me to my path. I am thinking about the path thus far. Did I go to the right college? Did I learn the right skills? As I embark on a new chapter of my business career, getting situated in an LLC, I think I might actually be terrified. Did I, no- really, DID I learn the right skills necessary to run a small business? No! Absolutely not! But I've got what I've got. I hope it works. Let's do this. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you, KidderCo LLC. 

The Gay Explosion

I'm putting my lips to my first sip of early morning coffee when a text comes through... "Gay marriage legal in all 50 states!"  I almost dropped the cup.  And the phone.  

I'm so happy.  I'm so excited.  I'm so thrilled.  But I've been keeping those feelings to myself.  Perhaps it's my prayerful upbringing that has me turn inward when things mean a lot to me.  Every time I see another flash of celebrating folks in online images, flashes of other images interject from the back of my mind. Black and white images.  Images of the Stonewall riots, Marsha P. Johnson, Harvey Milk (ok, now the images are in color).   Conversations I've had with good friends who were pioneering right alongside the men and women who have made this real keep coming to mind too.  And I'm afraid.  I'm afraid that if I run out and party I'll get distracted by the cute boys and forget the depth of this event.  It's part of a bigger fear that our youth-obsessed culture will lose interest in the voices, stories, and lives of gay pioneers.  Their stories to become trapped in books and stacks of vhs tapes that never got digitized.  We are stepping into a new era this weekend.  Things won't ever be quite the same around here.  Incredible that we are primed to party, being smack in the middle of Pride Season.  But those celebrations will be different now.  

I hope this country blooms into a rainbow world where inequality is as antiquated as Dorothy's sepia toned farm at the beginning of the Wizard of Oz.  (I do feel we owe this whole thing to Judy somehow).  I hope our rights remind us that we are, in fact, equal, and continue demanding fair treatment and a safe place to live and be free.  I hope that as we take our freedom for granted we don't lose our courage.  That is what it took to get here.  That is what it will take to keep these colors bright and cover the world in this rainbow.

Now I've got to go polish my horn and put on my make up.  The Rainbow Unicorn rides TONIGHT!